Ebeano Chronicles – Part 4

This movie is distributed by Nna Bros Pee Elu See (PLC), 10, Ebinpejo (the people are hungry o) Lane, Idumota, Lagos. N.Dr Aristo out!

They insist on giving N.Dr Aristo a chieftaincy title o. Some call him Onwa (the moon), some call him Nwokorobia Agu (the gentle lion).


It’s time! Ndi Obodo Ebeano, ekene mu unu o. I greet you all. Welcome to our markate skwiya one and all.

At our last nzuko (meeting), Ndi Ebeano decided that N.Dr Aristo should take a title for his service to Ebeano. Aristo thanks you all.

In the spirit of this bekee (white man) demokeresi, N. Dr Aristo asked them which title he should take. “Onwa ne tilora or Nwokorobia Agu?

Onwa ne tilora is “The moon that gives light to the community.” Nwokorobia Agu is “The Gentlemen Lion.” Ebeano chose Nwokorobia Agu.

But wait! There’s a twist! The gods have focused on the word “man” in the title Nwokorobia Agu, “The Gentleman Lion.”

The gods say only the umu adas (women) can tell who is a real man! N.Dr Aristo must go & show his private physical endowments to 4 umu adas.

He must proceed to the huts of these 4 umu adas one by one and show them himself. The umu adas are collectively known as Ndi Emoji.

Now N.Dr Aristo is an Eze mmuo, not an ordinary dibia. A dibia gives merecine, sets bones and cure ailments. An Ezemmuo can do those & more.

You see, an Ezemmuo is the mouthpiece of the gods. He speaks truth to power without fear or favour. The only thing an Ezemmuo fears is fear.

As the gods give an Ezemmuo many gifts, they also demand a lot more from him. He can indulge in strong drink but must not eat unclean things

While in the spirit, he must abstain from pleasures of the flesh, lest he takes the same canal through which he came, to join his ancestors.

In order to take the Nwokorobia Agu title, he must get the confirmation of 3 out of the 4 umu adas. If there’s a tie, all umu adas will vote



To proceed, Ezemmuo must now get 8 votes to take the Nwokorobia Agu title. If you’re a nwa ada, FV for him to get it. RT to say mba mba mba!


Nwokorobia Agu! The gentle lion that kills two elephants at the same time while other Ezemmuos chase rabbits. Rest in perfect peace!

N.Dr Aristo has now emerged titled! All hail Nwokorobia Agu!! Let me see 10 RTs to call others to the markate skwiya for .

Fortified by the blessings of his forebear, Ezemmuo sets forth. Now, after a long sojourn in “the abroad”, Igwe Ebeano is back!
Although confounded that Igwe came back alive after malicious rumours that he had joined his ancestors, ndi asiri (rumour mongers) continued
You see, Igwe Ebeano announced he wanted to rest a little from his long sojourn and asked Oparaeze (the Crown Prince) to continue for now.
Ndi asiri started with “Why did he come back when he knew he wasn’t well enough?” Within 3 days though, Igwe Ebeano was back on his throne.
Meanwhile, one of the Lolos in the middle kingdom called Kaduna had sung him a loooong song full of proverbs.
Why the Lolo didn’t just whisper to Igwe in “za oza room” is a mystery, since he has unfettered access to Igwe Ebeano’s “oza room.”
Hmm! It seem all is not well. You see, the people of the western kindred have a saying that it’s during a quarrel that songs become proverbs.
Now, opinion is sharply divided as to why Lolo L. Rufai sang that song publicly. Some say he was being a good friend, others cite ambition.
Listening to the lyrics of the song though, the Lolo may have feared that the Scribe and the Chief of Palace staff may have blocked him.
Nwokorobia Agu is unconcerned about Lolo KD’s motive and would rather focus on the substance of the song. People can sing spontaneously.

So, what will Igwe Ebeano do? It’s unclear, particularly as the song was actually sung 6 moons ago and yet nothing significant has changed.

The gods know what will happen but has commanded Ezemmuo to bite his tongue for now. An Ezemmuo must obey or face death beneath the waist.

Meanwhile, Igwe Ebeano asked Ohaneze to confirm the head of one anti onyoshi (thief) age grade. They said No. He sent his name again.

You see, his name sounds like “magun” (don’t climb), one powerful western kindred juju that kills after making you somersault 3 times.

Although he was a priest under the leadership of the first anti onyoshi (thief) chairman, he seems not to have learnt the ways of Ohaneze.

You see, like his boss Igwe Ebeano, Mazi Magun is a man of few words. His strength is in catching ndioshi (tifs), not answering questions.

Ohaneze asked Magun why the Gorvanaw of the Central Barn was not arrested for giving yams to goats. He stared at the ceiling like in an exam

Ajukwam. Eze mmuo a amarokwa the answer (Don’t ask me. Eze mmuo doesn’t know the answer). Ohaneze wants to climb. So they said No again.

You see, Mazi Magun is like a hunter that sets his trap in the markate skwiya, yet expects clever goats to come and fall into it. Ewoo!

If only Magun had not shown his hand until his initiation rights were completed. Is there palmwine in this village? RT to pour me a cup.

Thank you. Wait. They say 3 Masquerades want to see Ezemmuo to seek his blessings to carry , the nnukwu mmanwu (big masquerade).

But only 2 turned up. The 3rd one didn’t come. One is one dada from Opobo kindred. He has a large following among the “yoot” of Ebeano.

Some people are worried that the dada may being used by former ndi ozo (titled men), given the frequency with which he attacks Igwe.

But Nwokorobia Agu had the dada in his hut for 2 weeks and knows he’s just a yoot that is angry with everyone and everything in Ebeano.

The other contestant is a fearsome troll that is both despised & respected by all. He’s been banished by camps of both former & present Igwe

This papa is so fearsome that he cannot even look at himself in an oyinbo “mirro” and has had to replace his own head with that of a donkey.

Who will Ezemmuo support? Well, he’ll await their manifestos before consulting the gods. Meanwhile, Ezemmuo notes the slight of the 3rd man.

Eze mmuo hears that the 3rd person is loyal to some other dibias, and that he even flogged some umu adas in the market skwiya recently. Ok o

The fear that people have about donkey-head papa is that they don’t know what he looks like. They worry about being led by a faceless man.

Well, by the favour of the gods, I am the Ezemmuo of this kingdom. It is not the culture of Ebeano to reveal the identity of a masquerade

However, if and when the time comes, he must reveal himself to Ezemmuo. Eze mmuo cannot bless a jakki (donkey). Aru! Tufiakwa!! Gods forbid!

Meanwhile, the value of the Ebeano cowrie has gone up and continues to go up. Palm oyel prices have gone up across the world.

The yoot in the south south kingdom have also been temporarily satisfied, so the production of palm oyel has gone up significantly.

Meanwhile, the Errconomists keep saying the Gorvanaw of the Central Barn will run out of yams to prop up the Cowrie. He hasn’t, so far.

Maybe, just maybe, this our Gorvarnaw is not a bumbling onye nzuzu (fool) after all. Ebeano waits. Meanwhile, long may it continue to rise.

There is deathly silence in this markate skwiya. Is Ebeano asleep? Fave to hail Ezemmuo “Nwokorobia Agu!” Ogbuebo! (He who kills in pairs!!)

Meanwhile, our wuked friend Anduru Jekobu has liver o. He says he was gifted all those cowries found with him. What did he do to deserve it?

They accuse him of washing Ebeano Cowries with omo and “oning” ntuoyi (air conditioner) for it. Chei! Anduru nwa Jekobu, idikwa wukedi.

you come this nzuko? We needed to chop down this mound of akpu before us to see who is sitting on de other side of the skwiya

Categories: Ebeano Chronicles and Satire.

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